Departure from the Order

A month before I got here, I got a message that one of my classmates (same year of entering and solemn vows, etc) had decided to leave the order. He had been having very good prospect - had opportunities for further studies, got elected to important posts and got assigned to important offices, etc. Never mind about why he left but the fact that he left had made an impact on me. I accepted the decision of transferring me here because I knew I would be here with my friend. But he is no longer here. I felt betrayed, cheated, angry, sad, etc. (You know, very typical of me.) He moved out the day before I arrived.
Tonight, a bunch of us went out for dinner as a farewell thing, not a high profile farewell, but a time to say good bye. We men are so difficult to express emotions. At the end of the dinner, after lots of pretty words (or really just euphemism) about let's-remain-friends, we-are-still-brothers and come-to-my-wedding-will-you being said by others, I broke my own silence and said, "Look, I don't know about you all, but I am sad that he is leaving. I really loath to see him go. "捨不得 -Shebude, letting someone / something go." Everyone was kind of astounded by the stark expression - possibly I said what everyone was feeling too. He (the one leaving) admitted he would miss us too.
Well, as good Franciscans, we had a big feast despite everything and now I am too full to go to bed. Possibly indigestion...